Failure or Success

(Photo Description: Golden Labradoor Toller Yuki smiles for the camera)

In everyday life, what do you think about more often? Failure or success?

This was a poll that my dog friend Yuki @LabradorYuki (pictured above) posted on his Twitter a few days ago. Yes, yes… I follow dogs on Twitter. You could too. He’s cute and philosophical!

His question got me into an interesting conversation and motivated me to write this blog way eatlier than I had intended.

You see… everything I do on a daily basis is something I consider to be a success. I hear about 40% less than normal. My eyesight is at 5% and my weak, damaged muscles make physical activities cost 3 times as much energy. Yet with a little help from some fully working eyes, I can pick up a pen to write my signature. I follow and enjoy FaceTime conversations and once in a while I even play keyboard. Every tiny thing costs energy, but it’s worth it as it means I take control of my disability. I do my best to keep it that way because I personally enjoy making CRS suffer from me.

To me however, always having control isn’t the most important aspect of living with a disability. The important part is knowing when to take control. Sick days come unannounced and then it’s important for me to listen to my body in order to recover. There’s really nothing wrong with spending the afternoon watching Netflix while you let your body rest.

This past week I feel like I found the ultimate way to achieve success. I’ve been struggling with my daily routine since I handed in my service dog. Don used to do a lot of things for me, which allowed me to save energy and use it for other things. Having a dog opening drawers, doors and picking up objects from the floor may seem like small tasks but that made a huge difference in my day.

Since he’s gone, my caregiver Jessica has picked up a few care tasks. A while ago we got tips from my occupational therapist during rehab, these really helped us ensure everything goes smoothly. However, it’s really not possible to ask Jess to open a door every time I need to go potty.

So I’ve been struggling to get up and take meds on time. Having frequent pain and headaches due to that. Sleeping 2 to 3 times during the day, which was restless sleep and that restless sleep continued throughout the night. I was shattered, miserable and needed to fix it before I got sick. So decided to request help from the local district nurse team.

This process went faster than I ever could imagine. Within 48 hours of sending in an application form, my first nurse was here ready to help. Someone comes 3 times a day. I get help with morning meds. Showering and dressing and someone comes during the evening to help with eyedrops.

I’ve literally chosen to hand over some of my personal care to a nurse. At those moments, they are in control. All I have to do is sit there and enjoy a conversation with them… and of course, swallow pills. Although I thought having someone shower me while I just sit there and chatter would feel awkward and uncomfortable, it surprisingly feels fine. They’ve even washed places I haven’t been able to reach for years. Including those spaces between my toes. I now have happy feet!

As of the time of publishing this blog, I’ve only had 6 days of care and I’m already noticing a difference. I’ve only needed to rest / sleep twice in the afternoon, on two separate days in those last 6 days. I have energy to sit at my desk and browse the web or solve rubik’s cubes and I’ve been able to go outside! People are even telling me I look better… healthier.

I’m relieved to be getting help from the nurses. It feels like a big weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I’m super thankful. Also I am sure that the care is giving Jessica peace of mind. Knowing I’m in good hands allows her more time to take care of herself and that’s very important for caregivers!

I’ve chosen to allow someone else to take control of my personal care that in turn, has nade me feel better and more positive. I consider that to be a success.